captain_bonk ([info]captain_bonk) wrote,
@ 2009-02-24 07:49:00
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How do you teach a kid restraint?
In the book Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Charlie bucket saved a piece of chocolate. With great discipline and restraint he only savoured a tiny piece of it every day. I was in grade 3 when I read that and realize today just how much effect it had on me over my life so far. As far back as I can remember, I looked up to this. I'm sure this is where I learned to eat the vegetables on my plate first and save the chop for last.

Brandon is the complete opposite. He eat his most favorite part of the meal first leaving the worst part for last. He wears his favorite cloths to school everyday in a row until they need to go into the laundry so by Wednesday, as far as he's concerned, he has nothing to wear. That's fine. But he complains about the position he finds himself in blaming others for his predicament. "you haven't done laundry for too long", "you feed me too many vegetables"

Maybe it's just a matter of teaching him to accept the position he got himself into. That way he can make up his own mind to use restrain. After all, I don't want teach hording.



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[info]dekucat
2009-02-24 05:44 pm UTC (link)
I am amused to find myself replying here.

One thing they taught us about in parenting facilitation is natural consequences, which are events that follow naturally as a result of our behaviour and which are great learning opportunities.

So, if Brandon has no favourite clothes to wear after Wednesday, and doesn't get laundry done until laundry day, this means he will have to wear his less-favourite clothes and this is a natural consequence - something he will learn on his own without adult interference. The adult's role here is to stay clear, no "I told you so" lectures, and no giving in to the whining. You let routines be the boss here, so it's okay to say that laundry day is X day, and it's also okay to validate the emotions behind the whining (ie, if he's upset that he has no clothes he likes to wear, you can say something like "It sounds like you're really upset about not having your favourite clothes to wear. I get that - I don't like it when I don't have my favourite clothes either. When laundry day comes on Sunday, we'll both have more options."

That said, I have no children, and my cat is defective, so feel free to ignore me:). However, I have a really awesome video of Barbara Coloroso who talks about this stuff far more eloquently than me. You're welcome to borrow if if you're interested once my class is done (two more weeks!)

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[info]captain_bonk
2009-02-24 06:07 pm UTC (link)
I found parenting classes helped me a lot. Even when I sounded like a robot spitting out suggested dialogue it worked.

Saying, "It sounds like you're really upset about not having your favourite clothes to wear. I get that - I don't like it when I don't have my favourite clothes either. When laundry day comes on Sunday, we'll both have more options," is probably the perfect thing to say.

I forget these things. Let's meet up for a video drop soon.

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[info]dekucat
2009-02-24 07:35 pm UTC (link)
Yay, glad that was useful. And yes, let's do a video drop meet soon, and a coffee catch-up too. I miss you guys!

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[info]madame_venus
2009-02-24 11:32 pm UTC (link)
I agree with what both of you are saying but I also think it lacks ...something.
I mean, can't you remember being 8?
Maybe Brandon and I are too much alike that I can relate to him and it's harder for me to be unattached...

I just don't want to end up one of "those" parents where everything's a flippin' lesson.

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[info]captain_bonk
2009-02-26 06:09 pm UTC (link)
Yea but remember: He wore his socks for 4 days in a row including to bed, he just never took them off. It was the disgusting smell that caught our attention.

His Independence on getting dressed in the morning is great and being 8 years old aside, where there is smoke there is fire and where there is bad smell from boy there is a need for a quick eye on the situation every now and then.

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